I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
