I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
