Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
