she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
