Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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