My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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