I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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