what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
