I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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