Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
