Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
