If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
