I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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