two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
