If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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