I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
