i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
