i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
