Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just pynch a tree in the face
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
