You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
