Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So much rum. So many feels.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
