Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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