At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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