I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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