i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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