How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize