When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize