I'm eating all of the evidence.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
