wake up i wanna do it froggy style
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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