just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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