he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
