you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
