She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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