One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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