I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize