I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Girls should come with a carfax report
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
