i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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