i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm really busy with my period
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