Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
