I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
