I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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