All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
