There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
