We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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