Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
