Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
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I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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