How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you traded sex for a burrito?
only you would photoshop your dick
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
