I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
