TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
