I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
