He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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