you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
