hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
