we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
