he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
