I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
