Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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