Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
why do cheetos always look like penises
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
