New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
